


earthquake

by blood_and_gore (orphan_account)



Series: HP fics [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, Unhappy Ending, Unhealthy Relationships, Whump, inspired by the works of Colubrina, lying to medical professionals, there is no meaning to this fic i just wanted to write something Sad and Bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 05:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20848451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/blood_and_gore
Summary: prompt: "shaky hands." post-war unhappiness, kind of a character study of Neville.





	earthquake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Colubrina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colubrina/gifts).

After the war, Neville's hands shake. They do not stop.

.

When he was younger, four or five maybe (before Uncle Algie, before his grandmother's disappointed sighs, before _think of your parents _before he understood why his parents were as they were) there was a magical earthquake. Nothing much happened- a vase broke, and that's about it. But he remembers the shaking, the low groaning rumble of earth under the floor while Gran spoke quietly about rune stones and ley lines, and he remembers his whole body trembling with it. He remembers not wanting to die.

.

After the war, Neville wants to die. It's that simple. There's a bloody sword in his hand- Nagini's isn't the only head he's chopped off, by the end of the Battle, and he contemplates turning it inward on his belly before some Slytherin (one of the ones who didn't stay in the dungeons, one of the many who _fought_) faints and falls right on him. He drags the boy to the Hospital Wing to find Madam Pomfrey, who isn't there.

(Well, technically, she is, but seeing as it's her corpse laid out under a sheet, that doesn't really count.)

Instead, Neville finds Hannah Abbott, Blaise Zabini, Astoria Greengrass, and a Ravenclaw he doesn't know. Greengrass, apparently the one in charge despite being a fifth-year, instructs him to lay the boy on the nearest empty cot.

.

"Neville, I'm going to cast some diagnostic spells on you, all right?" Hannah's voice is gentle, so gentle and kind.

"Don't need it." Why is his mouth numb?

"Neville. You're covered in blood."

He looks down upon himself, surprised to find it so. Surprised to see his whole body trembling.

.

When the Carrows cursed him, he thought about his parents. When the Crucio on him passed the eight-minute mark, supposedly what drives anyone into madness, he concentrated on his own limited memories of them, on gum wrappers pressed into hands and creaking vocal cords. It had always been his goal to be like them, so to him it's another failure when he's able to crawl back to his dorm room. Gryffindor rooms are red, red, red.

.

Hannah frowns. Tells him to go to the hospital as soon as he can. Says there's something very wrong.

.

Neville has never been brave, not really. He's not reckless like Harry or brilliant like Hermione or brash like Ron. He doesn't possess any of Ginny's fiery rage at the world, or Luna's skips into metaphor. He'll get an Order of Merlin (First Class, of course,) and neglect to tell them he's nothing but a follower. He is not his parents.

He is not his parents, but his Gran will forget that soon after the war and invite him to tea. He'll decline politely, sitting in an off-grid flat in Muggle London staring at his hands. They do not stop shaking.

.

Nerve damage, they tell him at St. Mungo's. He lies and tells them the Crucio was held on him for just under seven minutes, that he counted. They say he's lucky to get by with his life.

.

He's not the only one. The Slytherins who joined the DA that year didn't speak up quite as much, but one day in the waiting room of St. Mungo's there's a boy he recognizes. His hands shake too.

.

The Slytherin boy- Theo, he remembers- will crack a joke about how they keep meeting in the worst places. First the dungeon, then the post-battle haze, now this. They'll go out for a drink.

.

Neville's arms are earthquakes, and he drags a blade down them. Gryffindor red, red for bravery. Theo will say nothing when he sees the scars, will say nothing but let his sleeve rustle as he pulls it back to show his own.

.

Their funerals are held separately, of course.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is dedicated to the fantabulous Colubrina, whose Hermione-centric fics are arguably what got me into fanfic in the first place. her characterizations of Neville, Theo, and other characters are mcfreakin' brilliant and deserve an award.


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